Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 10 - The WhyIt was back in the year 2000, when we made the escape. With some detours we landed in our house, here in the middle of nowhere. Of course there were other things happening, that were heavily influencing our lives; like the bankruptcy of our company in 2004 and all the nasty things connected with such an occasion. There even was a brief period where I talked to my mother - when my stepfather got lung cancer and she asked for backup. Funny; when we were in so much financial trouble and my business was going downhill, I was offered a unique opportunity - I was asked to become the business executive for the branch of a consulting company doing technical documentation for Audi in Ingolstadt. I declined to be there for my mother and to just be there, while my stepfather became worse and worse until his final death. Right after that happened in 2005 she increased the consummation of alcohol again and got a couple of lovers. I am not jealous. But what sort of guy do you expect to get off with
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 09 - IntermissionI know, it is the house of Monikaīs parents.
The atmosphere is the same Vampire Mansion feeling, but it doesnīt matter this time. This time I walk past corridor with the picture and straight to the first bedroom. I know, the dog will be coming and again I can hear the sound of it. But this time, I succeed in closing the door in time. And the room I am in is a room in our own house. Some sort of storage room opposite the stairs on the first floor, where we keep the wardrobes nowadays. I know, in front of the door, on the landing, there will be the dog. I feel the fear creep into my head but I do not want it to happen! Not this time! I am not afraid of dogs. I am not afraid of animals in general. No animal is evil by nature and this dog will make no exception - and one can master oneīs fears!
I open the door. The dog is standing right in front of me but facing me with itīs back. It isnīt black anymore, but dark grey. Also itīs physique is normal now and itīs head has proportions matching
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man-08 Living NightmareEarning money can be like a drug trip. You work and you get paid. You work more and you get paid more. This might be fun as a pizza service guy, but it is even more fun, when your monthly wages have five digits. We were on a high. Freshly in love, lots of cash, a cool job and two kids - shopping trip in London/England over the weekend, new Audi limousine, hand tailored clothing, exclusive food - stuff like that. And somehow it must have bugged my mother. The only rational explanation for her behavior is envy. Envy for Monika and her youth, intelligence and sexiness; envy for Arisha and her upcoming worry-free childhood; envy for me and my success. Realizing, that she could give me nothing at all. Nothing that I wanted or needed.
One night we had a friend over. He was a soldier; parachute-troops - a really tough guy; and very nice, too. Also Max was there for the weekend, two years old; sleeping in the kid´s room with Arisha, being six. My mother got drunk as usual and the music a
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 07 - IntermissionMonika, Arisha and me are walking on the long four-road street out of Wolfsburg. It is quite steep - steep enough to make an untrained bicycle rider breath heavily. Not really a problem, but steep enough, so that you cannot see, what is awaiting you at the top. To the left and to the right there is forest. In the eighties someone has raped and killed a girl here. The pedestrian´s path next to the street is under permanent construction somehow, so you have little enclosed areas with mini-building sites occasionally. There´s holes in the ground. And suddenly I am alone in the house of Monika´s parents. But it isn´t their house. The layout is different and it looks different. But I know, it is the house of Monika´s parents.
The lights are dim and it reminds me of a castle hall with candle light atmosphere from an old vampire movie. No cobwebs, though. I can hear Mozart. I don´t know the song, but it is Mozart - some chamber ensemble. In front of me a ha
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 06 - SelfEmployedIt was "back to normal" - my parents getting drunk at the weekends, loud music, fighting, smashing things - but I was in the upper flat and I was able to simply lock the door and not answering the phone. Occasionally my mother would call me from a drinking pit in town at five in the morning - so she could save the taxi-money by getting me to pick her up. After two years of illustrating for VW, I wanted to evolve. 3D was building up and I could feel, it would be important in the future - so I wanted to do it. But my boss refused - so the solution was starting my own business. I got a great computer, all the software, a comfy leather chair (hand made) and set up a studio in the cellar. And I was enjoying it - I didn´t do any work, though. I had too much fun playing computer games and surfing for porn in the relatively fresh internet. I also chatted a lot. One day I was asked by a friend to take photos for a lingerie catalogue. Some of the underwear pieces had been delivered late an
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 05 - IntermissionI went up the staircase, starting at ground floor and I was wondering, if the hooded figure would show up again.
With my left hand I held on to the old handrail that was smelling of varnish, slowly climbing up the stairs, counter-clockwise, step by step. Although I could feel the fear starting to chill me inside out, I forced myself to calmly keep on climbing.
Eight stair steps, the landing and another eight stair steps into the opposite direction to the second floor. I had reached the apartment door with the keys ready in my hand. To my left, the stairs continue. Two times eight stair steps to the attic, guarded by a very heavy fire-proof metal door. I still hated the attic.
I found the keyhole immediately and turned the key. Wasn´t there a sound? I walked inside, turned around to shut the door - and suddenly there it is! Outside the door, trying to force the door open - I push against it from the inside. It´s arm through the gap, trying to squeeze through. Fighting
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 04 - WorkAfter the army it was time for college. I wanted to draw comics. But they wouldn´t let me. A steady job is what I was supposed to go for. Something with a future. And to make it easier to decide, I did internships in all sorts of media companies. It was fun. I learned the ropes of fairs and advertising and saw quite a lot of the car industry - as I say: I am from Wolfsburg; Volkswagen city. Also I met Marc - he was british and freelancing as a technical illustrator. He like me, so I went with him, helping him out, drawing for all sorts of companies. He paid me good and we had a lot of fun. And as I was able to bring home some real money, I was able to convince my parents, that I need to study technical illustration - the only place I could do that, was in England, so I packed my stuff and moved. You may wonder, why I asked my parents. I did, because of the money. I don´t know about other countries, but in Germany, parents have to pay maintenance during education, including
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 03 - IntermissionI was standing in a staircase - ground floor - and I had to go upstairs. The light didnīt matter anymore. I was old and tall enough to reach the light switch. But it was still a lot of stairs to the second floor. Funny, that our old flat, where I was living now on my own was in a very similar building than my grand parentsī. Also second floor, also on the left.
With my left hand I held on to the old handrail that was smelling of varnish, slowly climbing up the stairs, counter-clockwise, step by step. I hurried as good as I could. I knew I had to be brave. It was expected of me to be brave. Boys do not show fear, if they want to be men.
Eight stair steps, the landing and another eight stair steps into the opposite direction to the second floor. I had reached the salving apartment door. To my left, the stairs continue. Two times eight stair steps to the attic, guarded by a very heavy fire-proof metal door. I hated the attic.
Now I realize, the lights are out.
Silence - darkness. But no
Who Is Afraid Of The Bogey Man - 02 - Early YearsI am male, born in 1967 and I am happy - and I do not regret anything.
It hasn´t always been like that. Now, that I have kids on my own, I have learned, that I had a pretty hard childhood. I never thought about it back then. Other kids moaned about trouble with their parents, too. I didn´t question the fact that I had to go to hospital for stitches a couple of times - on the bicycle rack of my best mate´s bike; because no one else would take me.
You see, they were all drinking back then. All the mates of my parents. And when that beer glass hit my forehead and the blood shot into my eyes and no one helped me or said anything, I thought, it must be normal, punishing twelve year olds like that for speaking up. When the four pound glass ashtray missed my head by four inches or when the knife hit the wall next to my head, I didn´t think about dying. I hid under the blankets, trying to fall asleep, although the sounds of loud music, arguing, fighting and breaking thi